I started writing BellaSparks for a Monday with the intent to send out a personal message every week. Perhaps you’ve noticed I’ve been a little lax. First it was our annual fundraiser Kristi’s Big Night Out and Golf Tournament that took all my time, then it was wrapping up the fundraiser, then deadlines for the next issue of BellaSpark magazine, so on and so on. I feel guilty. “I should write something,” I tell myself every week. “I should get this done. After all, I tell people I am a writer. I should write.”
My husband says I use the word should a lot – always telling my children and him what they should do. I realize he’s right. Not only do I impart what I think they should do, I am constantly tell myself what I should be doing. I should eat better. I should exercise more. I should turn off the TV and read a book. I should get this project done and not procrastinate any longer. I should go to bed earlier. I should scrub the shower before it gets totally disgusting. Not only that, but I send myself conflicting messages: I should spend more time working and I should work less and have more balance in my life, sometimes all in the same day! My life is one big SHOULD.
Do you spend much of your life telling yourself what you should do? "Shoulds" are about obligation, habit, and worst of all, other people's expectations. The word should creates anxiety, inner conflict and resistance. Maybe it’s time we get rid of that word and quit shoulding all over ourselves and others. The dictionary defines the word as: must, would, ought, ought to, had better, have a duty to, be duty-bound to, have to, be supposed to. And here’s another one: used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions. Ick, that sure leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I have decided I need to take another approach in my day to day life. I am going to choose to live in the moment. Yes, maybe I should scrub the floors, but my soul wants to be out in the sunshine so am going to take a walk instead. And yes, I should be working in my office, but I really feel like painting the bedroom. At times I know I should go to bed early, but like tonight, I am inspired to write this article and end up working at my computer until 2:00 am. Some afternoons I find I just can’t sit at my desk any longer and end up taking a nap instead. I even tell myself I should meditate more to stay connected to my higher self, when in reality, I know I often connect best when I’m doing something mindless like riding my bike, taking a walk, doing housework, or painting the walls. It’s when I let go of all the things I should be doing that allows me to tune into my higher self or spirit with ease.
I am learning that when I listen to my soul, to what my higher self or spirit wants, the end result is way more productive than when I try to force things. When I forget about what I should do and go for the bike ride, or paint the walls with abandon, I find the inspiration for the next column or project flows to me effortlessly. Letting go of all our shoulds can be difficult, we have after all been trained and told what we should do our entire lives. What would it feel like, if instead of the shoulds, we listened to our soul, our heart, and did what felt right in the moment?
Perhaps we should give it a try. Oops, there I go again.
I awake to sunshine, surprised that my body, somehow knowing that I had no agenda this morning, no time clock to punch, had decided to sleep past its normal 4:00 a.m. rise time. As I prepare for my morning run…
You have been here before, a part of the circle of life on this planet earth for eons and eons. You are the players, the game changers, the creators. You have seen and experienced much, yet you still return, for there is nowhere else in the Universe such as this. Some may call it a game, and that it true. Others call it Earth School – also true. It is but one of many opportunities for a soul to grow and evolve. There are rules to this game, instructions for this school, in this particular time-space continuum, that are different from those of others. Just as earth games such as Monopoly or Trivia Pursuit have their own set of rules such is true for the Game of Life on Earth. You came here for the excitement, the thrill, the adventure and the pure joy of physicality.
I have often said that my grandchildren are my greatest teachers. That was never so true as last fall when I realized my grandson Drew was showing me how the world works once again. “Nana,” Drew says in his phone…
Have you ever noticed how much stuff we have? Gadgets for this and tools for that, clothes we don’t even wear, the latest toys that sit unplayed with, and big houses filled with more stuff. We are jealous of other…
You will survive.... My message to anyone who has lost a loved one, especially a child. I have to admit, when someone told me that same thing after my daughter Kristi died, I didn't believe them. I did not want to live any longer on this Earth without my daughter. I wanted to leave. I didn't care about life, I wanted to be with my daughter. The thought of living another 30+ years was excruciatingly painful. Yet here I am, 12 years later and yes, I have survived. Was it a long hard road? Yes. But somewhere along the way, about a year ago, I decided I wanted to live. I remember the moment, the thought came to me loud and clear "I want to live!"
Each morning, as I stand in the shower, I repeat this mantra:
I choose that my thoughts, my words and my deeds reflect only my higher self and not my ego.
I remember who I am, a Divine Spark of God.
I walk in my essence of God.
These words set my intention for the day, creating an energy that helps me to balance the ups and downs and the challenges that life throws at me, keeping me on a steady course. And when I am mindful, and can maintain that energy, wow, what a difference it makes in my day and my life.
With this issue, we want to honor our daughter Kristi who died twelve years ago in an auto accident. She was the catalyst that started us on this soul journey and brought so much light into our lives. As we look back on the past twelve years, we marvel at where we were and at where we have come to be. The journey is not yet finished, but there is more joy in our hearts and we are confidently moving forward, knowing that Kristi is guiding us and smiling down on us always.
From the very beginning we have honored Kristi’s passing by hosting the Kristi Visocky Memorial Golf Tournament, the largest golf tournament in Northern Colorado, and Kristi’s Big Night Out event. (The absolute best party of the summer!) Since its inception in 2003, with the help and support of an amazing community, the Foundation has awarded $200,000 in scholarships to 90 area young women, $100,000 to build a house for Habitat for Humanity and over $100,000 in support to area organizations.
Recently I was stopped by a train in Longmont, CO. As I was sitting there waiting to proceed, I noticed a building on the right, an old factory-type place with a sign that said Cheese Importers. Having an hour to…
I was having one of those days. You know, the kind of day where you do something really stupid and then beat yourself up over it for several days after. Well here I was, well into day two of flogging myself – you know how it works, you start dredging up past wrongs, one after another, months and then years’ worth, and heap those on top of the current wrong you did. Pretty soon you’ve got a pile of boulders on your back and you’re walking around all hunched over and angry. Mad at yourself for being so stupid, seeing yourself as a total screw up, over and over and over.
So there I was lying awake at 4:00 a.m. wallowing in my self-pity about what a poor excuse for a person I was. What was interesting was that the stupid thing I did wasn’t even that big, it was just something I wished I could take back. I was half-awake/half asleep when I heard the voice.
I recently got a new computer, it has the new operating system Windows 8. A big change from my old system; completely different, totally unfamiliar and driving me crazy. It’s not intuitive to me and to say that I struggle…
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