by Phyllis Kennemer
When we are wronged (and we all have been at some point), our first response is generally to feel hurt. The offender “should” apologize. There “should” be some retribution. Quite often, however, the offender feels no remorse and is merrily living life without a backward glance. If we hold on to our resentment and refuse to exercise forgiveness, we are ripe for residency in Victimland. We wallow in how we’ve been betrayed, taken advantage of, left to wither in sorrow. Woe is me!
Living in a state of Victimhood can be pretty miserable, so many of us will give traditional forgiveness a try. We say to ourselves, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” Or we say, “I will both forgive and forget.” Either way, a residual need to condemn remains. What that other person did was despicable. That person is not suffering and I am. I know Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven, but I have put up with so much. Traditional forgiveness does work for some, but the process takes a long time and sometimes requires therapy. Unfortunately, many of those who try traditional forgiveness just move to a different street in Victimland. What would happen if we looked at these alleged “offenses” in our lives as opportunities for spiritual growth, and thought of the “offenders” as helpmates along our life’s journey. Wow! That calls for an entirely different level of consciousness. Is it even possible?
Suspend disbelief for a few moments and consider the implications. Think about the possibility that everything that happens in life has purpose. Perhaps you entered this plane of existence with a spiritual contract containing intentions to learn specific lessons. Your interactions with others are not random. People come into your life to help you fulfill your objectives. If you accept this possibility, then no one ever “does you wrong.” People who aggravate you, as well as those who nurture you, come into your life according to a spiritual plan. Everyone you come in contact with and every event in your life contributes to your spiritual growth. Colin Tipping coined the term “Radical Forgiveness” to describe the process of dealing with life’s challenges and experiences in sacred ways. He defines radical forgiveness as the ability to see the spiritual meaning in any situation, recognizing that life is divinely guided as it unfolds for our highest good. We, thus, surrender to the flow of life and accept that, ultimately, there is nothing to forgive.
Whenever something happens in our lives, we have the “facts” of the event (what actually happened) and the “story” of the incident (the feelings and emotions we create as we deal with the episode). Most of the time, it is our own stories that are causing the misery. If we can let go of the story, we can move into the healing process. Part of Tipping’s philosophy is that people can heal themselves through love. We need to begin with self-love; then we can move on to love for others.
Tipping developed a five-stage process designed to heal relationships, let go of anger and blame, and find peace in any situation. He outlines this process in his book, Radical Forgiveness (Sounds True, 2009).
Five Stages of Radical Forgiveness
Tipping has created a series of workshops and seminars which are available through his Radical Forgiveness Institute based in Atlanta, Georgia. Beginning courses can be completed online; advanced seminars take place in Georgia.
Rena Petty of Fort Collins, Colorado, had a life-changing experience while participating in one of Tipping’s sessions. She has since become a certified Radical Forgiveness Workshop Facilitator and Coach. Petty conducts healing sessions which help people release past grievances and learn to live more fully in present time. She also sponsors game nights using the Satori Board Game designed to help people release old beliefs and create new stories.
Petty assures participants in her sessions that they will not be sharing their personal stories of hurt or injury. She asks them to begin with open hearts. “Trust the process and see what happens,” she suggests. The workshops are designed to shift energy to a higher vibration, she explains. At the conclusion of the sessions, Petty encourages students to use resources that can be downloaded from Tipping’s website to sustain their enhanced energy levels. Based on her own experiences, she affirms, “The worksheets work.” Those who choose to practice radical forgiveness will find that it is an ongoing process. Life continues to happen. We can be prepared for whatever occurs if we maintain a high level of consciousness and if we accept the premise that everything we experience contributes to our ultimate good.
For more information, visit www.radicalforgiveness.com or www.RenaPetty.net.
Dr. Phyllis K. Kennemer is a Certified Veriditas Labyrinth Facilitator. She is a life-long learner and educator with a specialty in children’s literature.
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